Update

Several things have happened. 

First, I saw Dr. Keep today. I told him about the past few days and he was  "very concerned." He asked me about Leon. I told him I have never known any Leons, even in my dreams and such. That's another thing he wants me to start doing, writing down my dreams. I put a notebook and a pencil on the nightstand next to my bed like he said. I'm supposed to write in it as soon as I wake up, so I don't forget the dream.

He wanted me to call my parents and explain to them what happened. I just got off the phone. They said that they understand, but don't want me to visit them until I'm better. That could be years. 

And finally, Dr. Keep is considering having me committed to an insane asylum. The knives, the thing at work and the thing at my parents' house all made him think I'm not safe to be around when I'm in the other state. He said it was a good thing I tossed out all of my knives, and said I should do the same with any other dangerous things. I set aside a pile of them as I was cleaning up from yesterday and threw it out as well. Maybe being tossed away is for the best for me. Maybe.

Black Out 6: Leon

I don't even remember waking up today.

Last night I didn't get much sleep. I was up a good portion holding a knife after locking myself in my room. In hind sight, holding that knife and hallucinating wasn't the best combination, but nothing bad happened. I guess I fell asleep at some point, but I don't know for sure. I know I was laying in bed, staring at my door. I think I saw the doorknob turn and thats it. I know it couldn't have actually turned since I locked the door, so I think that was a bit of a hallucination. 

But I just woke up about 15 minutes ago. My house is trashed. Everything that could be knocked down is and everything that could be thrown to the ground was. Pictures, books, papers, everything. It scared the shit out of my dog, since I found him hiding under my bed. I'm getting more violent with these things. But that isn't the worst of it.

In the living room there is this spot just above the couch where a painting was before I tore it down in my rampage. I woke up and found a good portion of my knives from the kitchen planted into the wall firmly. They spelled out LEON. I just got done tossing out all of the knives in my house.

I'm going to see Dr. Keep tomorrow. Hopefully he'll have some answers or help for me.

Don't feel safe

I'm hallucinating. I must be. This can't really be happening.

I woke up this morning and got dressed. As I ate my breakfast, I noticed something move outside of the window in the kitchen. I walked over to it and saw something black just move out of sight. I dismissed it as m eyes playing tricks on me.
I went outside to bring in the newspaper after breakfast. I walked down to the end of my driveway and had picked up the paper when I heard my front door slam shut. I ran back, hoping it wasn't locked and went back into my house. I saw someone very tall dressed in all black round a corner at the other end of the hall; someone had broken into my house. I dashed after him, but he wasn't there. I searched the house top and bottom, but never found him.
It looked like the same man from all those times before.

Black Out 5: Work

So, this is getting worse. These black outs are seriously starting to mess with things.

So, today is Monday, and I had to go back to work. I got up, got dressed, drove in, the usual. I got to work and took my place at my desk in front of my computer. Everything went well until around 11:00. I don't know what exactly happened, but that was when I blacked out. I was on my lunch break and was staring out the window in the break room while my food warmed up in the microwave. I was staring at the parking lot and saw a man standing behind my car. It looked like the same man from Christmas; tall, pale, bald and in a black business suit. I think it was a coworker of mine, but I thought he had told management that he was taking this week off. But that's when I blacked out. 

When I woke up, I guess, I was facing several of my coworkers, all back against a corner in the break room. My fists were clenched and my legs were tense. My manager was at the door of the break room, looking in with his jaw dropped. I immediately calmed down and took a seat in the break room. I had told them about my black outs, and they let me stay on. I had always made sure to tell them that I acted normal during them, or at least I seemed too. This was the second or third time recently where I haven't been myself during the black outs. My manager decided to lay me off until I was better from this or it was under control. I don't know what I'm going to do.

But I know this is getting worse.

Worst. Christmas. Ever.

So, first of all, Merry Christmas Dr. Keep.

Second, see title.
I was invited to head up to my parent's house in New Jersey today. I got up, got dressed, and drove five long hours to their house. As soon as I left the car, I saw a particularly tall guest in a fine black suit enter the house. He turned to me, and I black out. I don't remember any of my relatives or our family friends being anywhere near that tall, so I think he may have been a hallucination, but I'm not sure about that.
But that's not the worst of it. I had apparently been kicked out of my parent's house for some reason. I don't know what it was though. The black out ends with my father and brother cornering me in the doorway, yelling and screaming for me to get out. I can't quite remember, but I think I saw my sister cowering in the back with my mother, holding a knife. I don't know what I did, and was too afraid to explain to them what's been happening. I made a bee-line for my car and drove home. Backing out of the driveway, I saw that man again, the one in the black suit. He was looking out of an upstairs window at me. I don't remember much about his face, but he was bald and pale. None of my relatives are bald.

I don't know what I should do. I've been contemplating calling them, but I'll see what you think, Dr. Keep.

Black Out 3

This one was much longer.

I remember waking up this morning. I just tossed the sheets off and sat up. I was sitting on the side of my bed, facing the window. I lifted my head and looked out and thought I saw a man staring back in. That's it. Last thing I remember. I literally just woke up from it now. It was about this dark out this morning, so I thought that only five minutes had passed or so. I hadn't even gotten dressed yet. I tossed on some clothes I found in my closet, seeing as today I had off due to being Christmas Eve. I grabbed my phone and keys and was about to leave for a friend's house; he was having a Christmas party today. But when I looked at the clock, I noticed it said PM. I had blacked-out the entire day.

I do know that I didn't do much of anything today, though. For one, I hadn't gotten dressed since about five minutes ago. Two, my friend left a voice mail asking me if I was ok, since I didn't make it to the party. I also found the window in my bedroom wide open and the curtains taken down, tossed onto the floor. I have no idea what I was doing earlier, but I sure as hell would like to know what made me tear the curtains off the wall.

Blackout 2

Alright, so I had another blackout today, This morning, to be specific.

I had woken up, showered, brushed my teeth, done all that stuff but had not gotten dressed beyond my undershirt. I walked over to my closet and opened it up to pick out some clothes for today. I opened it up, and saw one of my business suits hanging in it and that's it. That's where it cuts off. Now, that might not be as weird to you as it is to me. That closet isn't the one I use to store my suits in. That's the one for regular clothes. What my business suit was doing in there, I don't know, but I looked in the closet again when I come back today but didn't find it. I guess I moved it into the proper closet after the cut off.

Anyways, I snapped or woke up or forgot or whatever its called, while I was flying down the highway at 65 mph. Scared the living shit out of me. Fortunately, I recognized that part of the road by this graffiti-ed sign and figured out how far along I was. I had past my exit. So I got off, turned around, and made it to Dr. Keep's office just a few minutes late. He understood.

No Black Outs, But...

Right, so no black outs today. That's an automatic plus, but something else happened.

I had parked my car in the driveway and was trying to select my house key from the ring of twenty or so I carry around. I managed to find the right one and jam it into the lock when I saw something move in my house. I walked in and looked around cautiously. Several more times I saw a tall figure in black clothes slip by me around a corner. I spent the next hour patrolling my home with a knife in my hand. Needless to say, I never found this hallucination, and it never did upset my dog whenever it passed by him. I'm going to see my psychiatrist tomorrow, so that should help me a bit.

Black Out 1

Right, so here it goes.

I had one of the black outs today. Literally just now, actually. Last thing I remember is driving down the highway, changing lanes as my exit came up. I remember look at the driver behind me in my rear view mirror. A bald business man, I think. I don't remember too much of his face; my memory blacks out right as my eyes connected to him.
Anyways, next thing I remember is being here, in front of my computer. I must have made it home safely, as is obvious by me not being in the hospital. But its odd, I left for here at 2:00, was driving for only about 15 minutes, and now its 4:12. It usually only takes me 30 minutes to get home, so I must have done some other stuff in the mean time. I looked through my documents for work on my computer, but none of them have even been opened since Friday. The news paper wasn't disturbed, the remote to the TV was right where I left it. Its weird. I always wonder what I do during those missing hours.

Me, Myself, and I

Alright, so this should work.
My name is Malcolm and I'm from Virginia in the United States. My psychiatrist, Dr. Keep, asked me to figure out a way for me to keep track of the things I experience. So, I decided to create this simple blog about them. I showed this to him today, hence my previous post. He said that this would work and wanted me to give a bit of an introduction.

In it, he also wanted me to give a short description of the recent events. Well, to put it simply, I'm seeing things. People where there shouldn't be, messages written on things that disappear before my eyes, the works. But that isn't all. I'm having these sort of black-out kinda things. Basically I still walk around and act pretty normal, but a few hours later I won't be able to remember any of it. And it isn't like I gradually forget it either. One minute I'll just be sitting in front of my TV and then Bam! I completely forget how I got there. And they're starting to get more frequent, too. Dr. Keep is going to be monitoring this blog and doing whatever it is psychiatrists are supposed to do. I just need to write whatever I feel like.

I'm not going to signature my posts.

This Should Work

Alright, so I guess this will work.
Right, Doc?